Women in Leadership: The Double Bind

Since I took on the role as clinic director for the Marriage and Family Institute at ACU, I've been thinking a lot about leadership and particularly women in leadership. I am incredibly fortunate to have a mentoring relationship with David Wray, who has established himself as a true servant leader through his roles as department chair, church elder, and Associate Dean of Spiritual Life and Co-Curriculum in the College of Biblical Studies. He has been challenging me to be intentional about my leadership style by identifying core principles which will guide me as I make decisions and interact with students and colleagues. As I have been pondering what my core principles are, I came to the conclusion that I want to lead as a woman who is not only biologically female but feminine as well. I want to capitalize on my talents of empathy and creating connections in my leadership role. I also do not want to dress like a man in order to receive respect. I'm not afraid to admit that I like clothes, and I enjoy being somewhat fashionable in the way that I dress. I've also realized, however, that these qualities may interfere with cultivating respect and being taken seriously.


Women in leadership roles face an intimidating double bind. Women and men are obviously socialized to behave and to interact with others in different ways. Because men have traditionally been the ones in formal leadership roles, the characteristics and qualities expected of good leaders have been based upon stereotypically male behaviors. This puts women in a difficult position. They can choose to be themselves and use their own strengths and talents to lead, but they are then subject to criticism because they aren't masculine enough. On the other hand, women who choose to emulate masculine traits in their leadership roles are criticized for trying to be too masculine. I think that Hilary Clinton, regardless of personal opinion, is a good example of this. When Bill was in the White House, she was criticized for trying to be involved in too much public policy, and people speculated about who the real president was. People do not like her because she is opinionated and outspoken, which are not traits that are typically valued in women. When she tries to connect with her feminine side, however, she is accused of trying to use her sex to her advantage. She is in an impossible position. No matter what she does, she will be the object of criticism because of the double bind that has been created for women in leadership positions.

As a culture, both in the church and in the larger community, we do not value the voices of women. Admittedly, things have come a long way, but we still have a lot of work to do in valuing all that women have to offer, both in formal and informal leadership.

All of these thoughts have led me to become interested in doing research on perceptions of women in leadership roles, especially at Christian colleges and universities. So, what do you think? What are your perceptions of women in leadership roles? Who, among women leaders, do you respect and why?

Thanksgiving...A Few Days Late

Although I'm a few days late, I thought I should still go ahead and post my "what I'm thankful for" list, so here it is:

1. My husband, Eric. Each year, I love him more than the last, and I'm so thankful to have a marriage that brings so much joy to my life.
2. The rest of my family...my parents and my in-laws, my sister and sister- and brother-in-laws, and my niece Bella and nephew Max (they are so funny and brilliant!).
3. All of the great friends I've made here in Abilene and beyond...you know who you are.
4. My colleagues. I work with great Christians whom I admire and respect. They provide such wonderful examples of Christ-likeness. It's a blessing to be able to imitate them because I know they're imitating Christ.
5. My church family. I have had the opportunity to be a part of two congregations which I considered to be true family: Immanual Lutheran Church in Jackson, MI, and Highland Church of Christ in Abilene, TX. Although I am no longer with them, my family at Immanuel, and especially Pastor Erick, influenced my spiritual walk beyond what I can describe here (maybe that will be a later post), and I thank God for them often. My family at Highland has been just as meaningful. Highland is a large congregation (approx. 2000 members), and although it is impossible to know everyone, I have been able to form meaningful relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ through Bible classes, through my small group, and through opportunities to serve alongside the larger community.
6. My students. Being able to teach graduate students is a privilege. They think critically, they ask difficult questions, and they push me to expand my own knowledge. They are also so much fun! I love being able to joke and laugh with them.
7. My cats. Some of you who are not cat people may disagree with this, but cats are great pets! If Oscar and Cassie were not a part of my life, I know I would be more stressed. I can always count on Cassie to give me more love and affection than I want most of the time, and when Oscar is in the mood to cuddle, it makes my day!
8. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The opportunity to be in relationship with the triune God is the greatest blessing in life.

This list could go on and on, but the people (and animals) I've mentioned are those who enrich my life with meaning, contentment, and joy. If you're included in the people on this list, thank you for the privilege to be a part of your life. May the atmosphere of Thanksgiving be evident in your lives throughout the year.

Solitude, Silence, and Prayer

I was blessed with the opportunity about a month ago to attend a 24-hour retreat for solitude, silence, and prayer. The Human Resources director at ACU, Suzanne Allmon, and a team of faculty and staff have been focusing on ways in which ACU can encourage employees to be more intentional about spending time with God in the midst of all of our busyness and chaos, and these 24-hour retreats are one way in which they are helping us. When we arrived, the 12 of us in attendance met together for introductions and to talk about the purpose and goals of the retreat. We then had lunch together, followed by a session on solitude, led by David Wray. After talking about solitude for an hour, we had three hours in which to practice solitude. I thought to myself, "Three hours is an awfully long time to sit outside by myself doing nothing." I was amazed at how quickly the time flew by. I spent some time journaling about what keeps me from solitude and silence in my everyday life. I realized that I am ultimately afraid of failure. I am so accustomed to having goals, the steps to which I can easily identify. So much of what happens in times of solitude depends on God, so my lack of control is frightening to me. The purpose of solitude is to listen. There is a part of me that is still skeptical about this...does God really talk to us? I hear so many people say, "God told me to...," and it is followed by something that is so clearly not within God's will for his people. So, this causes me to be skeptical about hearing God's voice. I ask myself, "Is it really God, or is it just my own mind telling me that it is God?" Unfortunately, I think people are relatively adept at fooling themselves into believing/justifying a lot of things that are not true, with Satan's help, of course. On the other hand, there are some people whom I respect deeply that practice listening to God and whose lives are clearly in line with his purposes. So, I decided, I'm diving in and giving it a chance.

Our next session together was coaching on silence. David emphasized the necessity of not only external but internal silence. That's the hard part...quieting my mind. Shutting off the racing thoughts and the to do list. After our discussion, we went out into the night (literally the very dark night) for an hour of silence. This was planned so that we would not be able to read or write during this time. I cleared my mind by breathing in rhythm with the Jesus prayer: "Jesus Christ, son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner." We ended the evening by sharing our desolations in small groups and praying for one another.

The next morning, after breakfast, we discussed prayer, and David provided us with several suggestions regarding how to pray. Since I grew up in a C of C, I was taught that prayer should be spontaneous and made up only of our own words. We did not even pray the Lord's Prayer at my home congregation. I was talking to my husband after I returned home about how I feel like I ran out of words sometime when I was in college. The idea that prayer consisted of me talking to God, using only my own words, was tiring and overwhelming. I eventually stopped praying because, to be honest, it seemed redundant and boring. It wasn't until we attended a Lutheran church when we lived in Michigan that I realized I could use other people's words when praying and even that I could listen in prayer. This has opened a whole new world to me. The prayers contained in Scripture and written by the early saints and church fathers/mothers are so rich and meaningful. Maybe this is a way in which the Holy Spirit intercedes for us...by providing us with the words of those who have gone before us when we can't find our own.

To summarize all of this, the weekend was wonderful! When I returned home on Saturday afternoon, I had a feeling of peace, restfulness, and relaxation that lasted the rest of the weekend. When I returned to work on Monday, it felt as though I had had a 2-week vacation. So, if you ever have the opportunity to attend a spiritual retreat, I pray that you'll take advantage of it. Don't let your fears of the unknown keep you from experiencing God. Take the leap of faith, and dive in!

The Other Side of the Street

A Prayer by Walter Brueggemann

Just when we imagine that we have you figured out

you show up working the other side of the street

in your frightening freedom.

You meet us behind and before

as promise and as threat,

and we are overmatched whenever we sit to deal with you.

So we bid you to pay less vigorous attention to us

and we bid you to give us the freedom and courage

that we may withstand you

in ways that are proper to you and to us.

We pray in the name of the utterly humble One

whom you therefore exalted.

Give us wisdom and freedom

that we may sense the ways in which we may best live in this world

where the last become first and the first become last. Amen.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog. I had no intentions of ever beginning a blog until last night. My good friends, Shelly and Mauri, convinced me that I should start one...so here I am!

You may be wondering about the title, "Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth." Unfortunately, I cannot claim to have come up with it myself. It is the title of a collection of Walter Brueggemann's prayers. The title is meant to convey that this blog will contain posts about the spiritual and sacramental aspects of life (awed to heaven) as well as the mundane and everyday (rooted in earth). One day you may read a post about my struggles with prayer, while the next day, I may write about something funny one of my cats did. I'm looking forward to sharing my musings on life in the already but not yet. Thanks for coming along!