Solitude, Silence, and Prayer

I was blessed with the opportunity about a month ago to attend a 24-hour retreat for solitude, silence, and prayer. The Human Resources director at ACU, Suzanne Allmon, and a team of faculty and staff have been focusing on ways in which ACU can encourage employees to be more intentional about spending time with God in the midst of all of our busyness and chaos, and these 24-hour retreats are one way in which they are helping us. When we arrived, the 12 of us in attendance met together for introductions and to talk about the purpose and goals of the retreat. We then had lunch together, followed by a session on solitude, led by David Wray. After talking about solitude for an hour, we had three hours in which to practice solitude. I thought to myself, "Three hours is an awfully long time to sit outside by myself doing nothing." I was amazed at how quickly the time flew by. I spent some time journaling about what keeps me from solitude and silence in my everyday life. I realized that I am ultimately afraid of failure. I am so accustomed to having goals, the steps to which I can easily identify. So much of what happens in times of solitude depends on God, so my lack of control is frightening to me. The purpose of solitude is to listen. There is a part of me that is still skeptical about this...does God really talk to us? I hear so many people say, "God told me to...," and it is followed by something that is so clearly not within God's will for his people. So, this causes me to be skeptical about hearing God's voice. I ask myself, "Is it really God, or is it just my own mind telling me that it is God?" Unfortunately, I think people are relatively adept at fooling themselves into believing/justifying a lot of things that are not true, with Satan's help, of course. On the other hand, there are some people whom I respect deeply that practice listening to God and whose lives are clearly in line with his purposes. So, I decided, I'm diving in and giving it a chance.

Our next session together was coaching on silence. David emphasized the necessity of not only external but internal silence. That's the hard part...quieting my mind. Shutting off the racing thoughts and the to do list. After our discussion, we went out into the night (literally the very dark night) for an hour of silence. This was planned so that we would not be able to read or write during this time. I cleared my mind by breathing in rhythm with the Jesus prayer: "Jesus Christ, son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner." We ended the evening by sharing our desolations in small groups and praying for one another.

The next morning, after breakfast, we discussed prayer, and David provided us with several suggestions regarding how to pray. Since I grew up in a C of C, I was taught that prayer should be spontaneous and made up only of our own words. We did not even pray the Lord's Prayer at my home congregation. I was talking to my husband after I returned home about how I feel like I ran out of words sometime when I was in college. The idea that prayer consisted of me talking to God, using only my own words, was tiring and overwhelming. I eventually stopped praying because, to be honest, it seemed redundant and boring. It wasn't until we attended a Lutheran church when we lived in Michigan that I realized I could use other people's words when praying and even that I could listen in prayer. This has opened a whole new world to me. The prayers contained in Scripture and written by the early saints and church fathers/mothers are so rich and meaningful. Maybe this is a way in which the Holy Spirit intercedes for us...by providing us with the words of those who have gone before us when we can't find our own.

To summarize all of this, the weekend was wonderful! When I returned home on Saturday afternoon, I had a feeling of peace, restfulness, and relaxation that lasted the rest of the weekend. When I returned to work on Monday, it felt as though I had had a 2-week vacation. So, if you ever have the opportunity to attend a spiritual retreat, I pray that you'll take advantage of it. Don't let your fears of the unknown keep you from experiencing God. Take the leap of faith, and dive in!